4th April 2022 | Beverly Landais
"Seek first to understand and then seek to be understood," Stephen R. Covey's fifth habit from his book 7 Habits of Highly Successful People is a lesson in developing the emotional intelligence competency of empathy. However, this can be challenging if you are already overbusy with things to do and places to be. Pausing to consider the needs and perspectives of others can feel daunting at the best of times. An excellent place to start is to share an experience. One way to achieve this is the 'walking in my shoes' exercise.
Deceptively simple yet powerful in shifting perspective, it helps two people understand each other better and, through that knowledge, improve the way they communicate and work together. The technique comes from a proverb that dates back to the Cherokee tribe of Native Americans: "Don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes".
"You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view until you climb into his skin and walk around in it". - Nelle Harper Lee, American Novelist, To Kill a Mockingbird
The exercise is about getting into the mindset of the other person. Empathy is the ability to experience the world from another person's perspective, i.e., walk in their shoes, view life from their living conditions, and feel what it feels like to be that person. In reality, you can never experience exactly what it is like to be them; however, you can gain insight into their world and begin to understand what drives their attitudes, beliefs and actions.
Learning how to see another person's viewpoint is also an excellent way to gain a fresh perspective. It encourages respect for different opinions, which usually enables people to be open-minded about alternative ways of thinking and being. We are often too wrapped up in the urgency of our needs and desire complete tasks to pause and think about how others see the world. The 'walking in my shoes' exercise is a fun and physical demonstration of how to do this in practice.
How to do it
I have run this exercise as part of a team workshop, and it has worked well at break time by getting people to pair up and go for a short walk. Tell the participants to take 10-15 minutes and ask them to observe each other's gait, posture and breathing and take turns to mirror each other. It is an exercise in observation and an excellent way to build rapport. It usually gets people talking and laughing, which is a great way to release tension or awkwardness.
Once back in the room, get them to say how they found the exercise. What did it feel like to be the other person? What did they notice about how they felt during the role play and immediately after? Often, this reveals that they feel closer to the person, more understanding of them and mindful of their impact upon them.
Ensuring the benefits of this exercise last beyond the workshop is a challenge, so it is best to end by capturing the lessons and gaining agreement to turn some of these into specific actions. You can enable this 'growth mindset' by creating an environment where people have:
Freedom to be themselves– allowing them to explore their values and ideas safe from cynicism without fear of ridicule or judgment.
Psychological safety- enabling open discussion about what works and what doesn't and how things might improve helps people relax their guard and take risks with their thinking, including confronting complex issues.
Time to think – encouraging reflection enables clarity of thought as this is when personal growth occurs and possibilities are unleashed.
Taking a different point of view and seeing the world from another place requires practice and self-awareness to spot automatic filters. It is well worth the effort as happier working relationships lead to better collaboration, generating new opportunities and opening up previously unexplored potential.
4th April 2022 | Beverly Landais
