8th July 2026 | Beverly Landais
We have all seen it happen or perhaps experienced it ourselves. A brilliant technical expert, someone whose domain knowledge is second to none, is promoted to a strategic leadership role, only to find that the very skills that earned them the promotion are no longer enough to guarantee success.
The transition from expert to leader can feel profoundly disorienting. When we are experts, our value is rooted in having the right answers. When we become strategic leaders, our value shifts entirely. It is no longer about knowing the answers; it is about connecting the people who do. This pivot requires a deep well of Relational Intelligence, also known as 'RQ'.
What is Relational Intelligence?
Relational Intelligence is the ability to successfully connect with people and build strong, long-lasting relationships. It is the invisible thread that weaves together high-performing teams, supports psychological safety and fosters meaningful collaboration.
In his excellent book, 'Relational Intelligence: The Five Essential Skills You Need to Build Life-Changing Relationships', Dr Adam C. Bandelli explores this concept in depth. Through his extensive research, he identifies five critical skills required to cultivate authentic connection:
1. Establishing Rapport: The ability to use energy, warmth, and genuine interest to create an initial connection. It is about making others feel seen and valued from the first interaction.
2. Understanding Others: This requires intentional, empathetic listening. A vital micro-skill here is learning to manage the gap between stimulus and response. It is the powerful moment of pause when we start listening to understand, rather than being busy in our own heads formulating a reply.
3. Embracing Individual Differences: Moving beyond tolerance to genuine appreciation. It means recognising that different behaviours, backgrounds, and perspectives are a strategic advantage, not a hurdle.
4. Developing Trust: Trust is built in the small, consistent moments of reliability, vulnerability, and keeping our promises. It is the foundation of psychological safety.
5. Cultivating Influence: When the first four skills are in place, influence occurs naturally. It is the ability to guide and inspire others not through positional authority, but through understanding, mutual respect and shared purpose.
Building Your Relational Ecosystem
Developing relational intelligence is more than managing direct reports effectively. Strategic leaders build an authentic network of relationships across the organisation and beyond.
Consider the spectrum of your connections. Are you strengthening ties with peers in other departments, staying open to different viewpoints, and understanding the priorities of your boss and senior leaders?
Just as importantly, are you connecting with external innovators and industry thinkers? These relationships can challenge assumptions, bring fresh perspectives, and create valuable opportunities.
Overcoming the Invisible Barriers to Making New Connections
The value of building this richer professional network may seem obvious, but initiating new connections can often surface deep-seated hesitation.
In my coaching practice, I frequently see people stall at this exact boundary. It is rarely a lack of tactical knowledge that holds them back; instead, it is a subtle, internal battle with self-worth and imposter syndrome. When we decide to be more intentional about our network, two distinct anxieties tend to emerge:
1. The Fear of Being Misinterpreted: Some worry that making that first move will make them appear 'needy,' 'transactional,' or even 'manipulative.' More often, they worry the other person will suspect an ulterior motive and react badly.
2. The Fear of Rejection: Then there is the vulnerable exposure of being ignored or rebuffed. A silent inbox can feel like a direct verdict on our professional value.
Both fears are completely natural, yet they stem from the same fundamental misconception: the belief that networking is entirely about taking.
When we approach relationship-building from a deficit mindset, focusing on what we lack or what we need, it naturally triggers an internal alarm.
Shifting from Transaction to Contribution
To dismantle these barriers, we must gently shift our focus away from what we can extract from a relationship and look instead at what we can contribute.
Everyone, no matter how new to their role, possesses unique currency. When you reach out to a peer, a superior, or an external influencer, you are not arriving empty-handed. You are offering an exchange. It can be reassuring to consider the practical value you can bring to the table:
A Skill Exchange: Your technical depth or unique operational perspective might be the exact puzzle piece another person is missing. You might understand a digital workflow, a market trend, or an operational bottleneck that they find baffling.
A Supportive Space: People often value a genuinely supportive conversation focused on mutual encouragement rather than competing agendas. Asking what is on their agenda and showing real interest in their response demonstrates this and can be a rare and valuable gift.
A Safe Sounding Board: Once initial trust is gained, offering yourself as an objective, confidential sounding board allows the other person to stress-test their ideas without judgment.
The Ultimate Return on Investment
When you see relationship-building as an act of professional generosity, the fear of seeming manipulative begins to fade. You are simply opening a door. If the other person is too busy or chooses not to step through it, that is rarely a reflection of your worth. More often, it reflects their current capacity. By managing the space between their response, or lack thereof, and your own reaction, you can protect your sense of self-worth.
Ultimately, when we strengthen our Relational Intelligence, the benefits are threefold: teams collaborate more effectively, strategic goals are achieved with greater agility, and work becomes a more rewarding and enjoyable experience.
Pause for Reflection
If you took a closer look at your current professional network, who is one person you could reach out to this week, perhaps a colleague from another department or an outside contact with a fresh perspective, to start building a stronger connection?
8th July 2026 | Beverly Landais
