6th June 2022 | Beverly Landais
Have you ever wondered how somebody does what they do so well? You may have thought how helpful it would be to understand their approach and processes so that you can learn from them. However, often people don't ask others to share their ways of working, whether informally or as a mentor.
Why is this? Sometimes it is because they don't know how to go about it or feel it may show they are lacking somehow. However, with a bit of forethought, planning and preparation, you can glean valuable insights from others that can help develop your expertise and boost your confidence.
This article explores a technique called neurolinguistic programming or NLP, which studies how people organise their thinking, physiology, language, and behaviour to produce their results. Adopting an NLP approach can help you identify and further your personal development goals. The key is to learn by observing excellence in others and asking perceptive questions to help codify their ways of working.
Developed in the 1970s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, NLP champions the idea that it is possible to identify successful individuals' patterns of thoughts and behaviours and teach them to others. Over the years, NLP has found favour with some academics and been discounted as hype by others. My view is that aspects of NLP encourage valuable skills such as self-reflection, flexible thinking and willingness to learn. Ultimately, you can make your mind up, having tried a few techniques yourself.
NLP considers the Four Stages of Learning Model developed by Noel Burch over 30 years ago. The model proposed that two issues influence our thinking as we learn: consciousness (awareness) and skill level (competence). According to the model, we move through four levels as we build competence in a new skill. These are:
Level 1: Unconscious unskilled – We don't know what we don't know. We are inept and unaware of it.
Level 2: Conscious unskilled – We know what we don't know. We become aware of our inadequate performance of the skill.
Level 3: Conscious skilled – We have worked at the skill and know what to do; however, it requires effort and concentration.
Level 4: Unconscious skilled – We have mastered the skill, and it has become natural to practice.
"I am still learning." Michelangelo, Italian sculptor, painter, architect and poet of the High Renaissance
At its heart, NLP is a way of thinking about how the world works. Modelling, action, and effective communication are critical elements of this approach. The belief is that if an individual can understand how another person accomplishes a task, the process may be assimilated and communicated to others so they too can achieve the task. It can be a helpful approach to understanding the personal characteristics, competencies and attributes that make someone excellent at what they do in everyday life.
Six Guiding Principles
NLP provides a framework for success that can speed up the learning process, encouraging you to strive for what you want to achieve. There are six guiding principles to keep in mind as you experiment with this method:
1. Decide what you want. Begin with the outcome you want in mind and focus your time, energy and resources on this. Start with a positive statement of intent, i.e. 'I want to find out how to improve my ...'
2. Consider your motivations. Why do you wish to pursue your goal? Will working at this move you towards something you want rather than away from something you don't like?
3. Be prepared to work at it. People who get results do so by acting. They may not have a complete plan, but they can start the journey because they have an end in mind.
4. Apply flexible thinking. Try observing the behaviours of others who are successful in the areas you'd like to improve. You can experiment with different approaches, learn from the result, and then apply this learning to improve. This flexible model of thinking promotes a 'Growth Mindset'.
5. Be mindfully aware. To be flexible, you need sensory acuity, meaning the ability to recognise what is fact and what is perception. Practice being fully in the moment – being mindful – noticing what is occurring, and soaking up the experience.
6. Maintain curiosity. Be fascinated by ongoing experience for its own sake. Curious people are open to different perspectives and making discoveries. They also have a powerful desire to increase their knowledge. Think of this as having a beginner's mind when observing how someone engages with the world.
"In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's, there are few." Shunryu Suzuki, Buddhist Monk and author of Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind.
The Modelling Process
When you 'model' a person, you work out how they do what they do well and how you can replicate it for your benefit. Modelling isn't about copying. It is mindfully observing and seeking input through open questions to work out how you might absorb the approach, style or technique in your way.
Here is a four-part framework you might like to try for yourself:
1. Find the best person to model. An excellent place to start is thinking about someone you admire and why. Then talk to this person and explain that you'd value their input to your personal development. Tell them that you'd like to understand how they work to learn from them. Perhaps this will be a one-off experience, or it can develop into a more formal mentoring relationship. Be flexible in your approach and see what transpires.
2. Openness and honesty will ensure that your mentor fully engages with you. Make sure that you agree on levels of confidentiality so that you and your mentor are comfortable with this before you begin. Ask permission to take notes in advance. Agree on a time to talk so that you can plan this properly and make the best use of the opportunity.
3. If you talk about a complex subject, such as managing an international team or running a business transformation project, break down what your mentor does into parts. How do they plan? What factors do they consider when focusing their time, energy and resources? How do they keep things on track? Don't be afraid to ask how they course-correct if things go awry. Sometimes the best learning comes from how someone recovered from a setback.
4. As you discuss with your mentor, pay attention to their physiology. How do they stand, sit or move? Try paying attention to their posture and breathing. Be interested and notice but without staring.
"Mentors are available at all stages of your leadership life - early, middle and late. Seek them out and listen; absorb their knowledge and use it." John Wooden, award-winning American Basketball Coach
Ten Powerful Questions to Ask Your Mentor
Below are ten questions that you might find helpful to ask your mentor. What else might you like to know? Take your time, and don't rush this. Actively listen to their response rather than think about the next question. Respect your mentor's time and check in with them that they are happy to continue. These questions can go deep, so please be considerate and express your gratitude for what is shared.
1. What motivates the consistent results they achieve?
2. What strategies do they deploy, such as the order and sequence they do things?
3. What values are important to them in doing what they do?
4. How do they self-regulate to manage conflicting priorities?
5. What derails their efforts, and how do they get back on track?
6. What enables them to keep going when things get tough?
7. Which factors do they consider important when planning?
8. Could you ask for tips on keeping up their energy levels and sustaining their motivation?
9. How do they keep their skillset up to date and tap into fresh thinking?
10. How do they obtain and use feedback for their development?
Asking open questions allows you to understand better the strategies used by your mentor. Then you can try the approaches yourself. Build reflection time to assess what worked well and what didn't hit the mark. Then consider what you have gained from the experience that you can put into practice. Learning from observing others and asking open questions is the key to gaining insight. Of course, acting upon what you glean is all-important, or nothing will change.
NLP provides people with a way to model excellence for personal development and success at work. It is an approach and a methodology that supports a Growth Mindset. It enables flexible thinking because it encourages fresh perspectives, which can help you achieve your goals and get better results.
6th June 2022 | Beverly Landais
